I press the big blue button on the front of the computer. Five to ten minutes later, I can use it at a relatively normal speed.
So I go on the internet, only to find that the Yahoo toolbar which I uninstalled on no fewer than 32 occassions is back. I remove it, as I can't be arsed to uninstall it a 33rd time.
Onto NewGrounds, the land of wonder. Before going on the BBS, I decide to go into the portal. My computer breaks because it is too shitty to handle most flash applications.
I Proceed onto the BBS, as it is the only thing that keeps me sane these days. To keep my ears amused whilst I post, I open up my music collection. It takes twenty seconds to open my music folder, and up to a minute to open the media player itself.
So, there is nothing interesting on the BBS at this time of day. Go figure. I shall go play a game from my hilariously small collection.
I open up the game, and I check for updates when Macfagafee pops up saying "SHIT GUYS, SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO YOUR COMPUTER. IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S TRYING TO DOWNLOAD A VIRUS." It then gives me two options: Download the "virus", or let the programmers of Macfagafee think thdey're doing a good job by not downloading anything at all. I have to pick the latter, as my omputer spazzes out if I don't do what macfagafee suggests.
Much later I'm amusing myself, when my tower emits a hilarious *GGGZZZZZZZZZZKKKKKKKKEYAHKUNKFATANG*, and my program stops responding to me violently shaking the mouse and banging the keyboard on the table. Two minutes later a Dialog box pops up, saying: "Iain, It's ATI here. We need to talk". Well it turns out that my shitty card recreationally stops responding, just to piss me off. This means it has to close the game for whatever reason, then it begs me to send an error report so that the programmers can make this problem more frequent. I send the error report because I'm delusional that it will stop the problem happening, when the amusing message problem pops up. "Windows has encountered an error whilst trying to send an error report. Blah blah blah, would you like to send an error report?"
I can see where this is going.
In the meantime, it reset my resolution to 640x480, so I have to waste another couple of minutes dealing with that.
So I'm finally done computing and I go to turn my computer off. Another minute of thinking later, and my computer goes "IEEXPLORER.EXE NOT RESPONDING. Ending the task now will lose all unsaved data etc.". I'm pissed off now, becaue IEEXPLORER.EXE ISN'T FUCKING OPEN. When it finally does close down, it shuts down the computer. My problems are over.
Wrong.
So it goes onto the lovely blue windows XP screen, where it says "windows is shutting down", and it takes another five mintues to fully shut down.
Tomorrow, I have to repeat this hilarity.

And my freinds always wonder why I'm perpetually angry.
~~~
So, next sunday I'm off to see the redbull air-race. Joy :)
~~~
And I'm still pondering what to do with my summer. I would learn the guitar, but that is fairly cliche'd.

LOL PSYCHE!

Anyhoo if I did get around to it, I have devised a fool proof plan to get it to pass judgement.
1: Amass a legion of morons to mass-vote it through.
2: Make that legion consist entirely of 13 year olds, who have been won over by a single hentai-pic that is mixed in with the rest of the shit in there.

Not even Wadolf and his loyal portal-watchers would be able to stop me!

~~~
Further items of business
I'm going away next week from Wednesday onwards, as I'm going to Dublin. I think it's relatively safe to assume that they are going to run my surname through a list of paramilitary members and come up with OVER NINETHOUSAAAAAAAND matches, and subsequently not let me in.

It makes me depressed that I hear about all these NG'ers talking to each other over MSN. I only ever talk to people who I have talked to that very same day at school/wherever, and bots.
In short, talking to them SUCKS, and I want a bit of variance in the matter.
That is where you come in NG. If any of you want to talk to me THAT badly, PM me for my address (I'm not just going to throw it right out there, I get enough spam in my inbox as it is), and we can have many fun conversations.

~~~
Now have a seat, and I can tell you a story about a freind of mine...

OH MY GOD, HOW HAVE I MISSED THIS GAME ALL MY LIFE?

So yesterday, me and someone else were at a freinds house for whatever reason reason, and whilst they were playing COD 4 on the PC, I was flicking through all his gamecube games to see if there was anything decent that wasn't SSBM there, when I stumbled upon Ikaruga.

Being the fan of overhead shooters that I am, I decided to pop it in and play it.

It. Was. Insanity.

And it was so awesome.

(For those of you who are unfortunate not to have experienced it, the basic premise is that you switch your shield colours to absorb the same colour lasers that are being shot at you, in order to charge up your special weapon).

Anyhoo, towards the end of the second level, it was getting absolutly insane with all the lasers firing at me, and I would always die. To put it into perspective how hard it was (or how much I suck, whtever) I couldn't get past the second boss even on easy mode with a second player assisting me.

But it was still the greatest gamecube game I have ever played.

<Some guy making it look easy>

So recently, I had to buy a new pair of smart shoes, as my old ones were too small and were mangling my feet (I also got some new casual shoes, but that's beside the point, they were fine).

So I have a quick walk around the store a couple of times. They seem a bit too big, but that's ok, I can always put in insoles. I part with my money (£40 is extortionate), and set off home at a jolly pace.

All is well.
~~~
Later that day, I return to town (it takes me about 20 minutes, which is a relevant fact), and my feet are still fine. Just as I'm approaching the high street, my heels start to ache slightly. No matter, I figured it was just some lasting damge from my old shoes (which also raped my feet the last time I wore them).
~~~
I spend about 2 hours in toon (standing pretty much stationary, it's a long story for another day), and begin to walk home.

"OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS HAPPENING TO MY FEET?!?!@!??!!?!?!?!?!?" Was what I almost exclaimed, but didn't.

Nevertheless, I am a man. I can walk through the pain.
~~~
About 5 minutes of walking later, I am limping in agony from the pain. I am half tempted to take my shoes off and walk the rest in my socks, but then I would contract AIDS from the pavement. I persevere, as it is the only option available to me.
~~~
I arrive home, and collapse in an armchair. Prying my shoes off my feet with renewed cursing, I remove my socks and gaze in awe at what can only be described as a gaping hole in the back of my foot.

Most of the skin was hanging off in a bloody mess, and there was a lovely blister developing near it.
~~~
For the week since, I have had to wear plasters in my comfortable shoes, because even they add to the pain.
~~~

In summary: FUCK YOU CLARKS >:(

So... I was halfway through this just now, accidentally hit back, lost everything. It caused my cat to look in the room, to see what all the exclamations were about.

So... here it is.

In no particular order.
~~~
Mickthechampion-Argues with me frequently (most recently: 03/04/2008), in the end, he usually wins the arguments. As of late he introduced me to the wonder that is the Stiff Little Fingers.
Zerok-Is the only mod who has ever acknowledged my existence in a non-i'm-going-to-ban-you way.
Tawc-Is a cunt.
Ejit-Was the only person to notice when I became a level 10 on the old layout. It was a good day.
Darkside7000-Co-authored me in a flash which I didn't do anywork for. Which leads me on to...
clsaa651-Is my only fan for the aformentioned flash. I'm dissapointed to be on such a list, as everything there is hentai-related in some way.
Irishgun-Is my supposed Nothern Irish brother. I CAN KICK HIS ASS IN HEYLOH >:(
Andhination-Broke the reasponse record in my previous blog.
agnryfaic-Has a most excellent name.

Well... that's aboot it for now. If you feel you deserve to a mention, whine endlessly in the space below and give me a good reason.
~~~
TOM FULP QUOTED ME IN HIS BLOG BIZZITCHES!

It's about the 4th post down. Pix because it did happen.

Rummaging throguh a cupboard the other day, I came across a story I wrote back when I was a youngling (about 4-5ish), and I felt the need to share it with those poeple who read my blog (all two of you...).

Complete with spelling and grammar mistakes.
~~~
The tranasarasrex

Once it was a nice pecfull day and a mad sientist ivented a time machin. And before you could say Bob's your unkel there wher dinasaws eveywher. Suddenly evreyone gasped when they saw the bigest Taranasarasrex. It scoffed up all the other Dinasaws. The sientist said "hmmm interesing". The Taranasawasrex bent down and rord and eat him. And it walked away. someone said "how will we get rid of it."?! Some one wispers plans to him. At Night time the Taranasawasrex came back. And there were sekret traps on florr. But they didn't go how it was ment to. The Taranasawasrex steped over the 1st trap. It smased the 2cd trap. It kicked the 3rd trap out of the way. The 4th trap fell to picaeices Befor it even got there!.

By that time the Tranasawasrex was in the city. And alredey smaching up biledings.! Someone said "this wont look like a city soon.!" Suddenly a Bileding fell on top of them. but their heads went through windows.! Then someone made up a name for the Taranasawasrex. He called him fred. Then someone had a way to get rid of fred. His idia was to go fords in time to get a knight bring it back and the knight will kill fred. Then someone said "The timemachine is in the fucture." Then someone said "well Thnk of some thing plese to get rid of fred," and his idaei was to drop an atomic Bomb on fred.

~~~

It ends there, but I'm sure if I had wanted to at the time I could have dragged it out for another chapter.

The part that depresses me the most, is that I have seen posts with worse spelling and grammar on the BBS.

I'll take my booker prize now please.

It's that time of the month, the time when I get around to making a "news" post.

Today, I feel like moaning about the "anti-violence" whinos that plague gamers most of the time.

Now, I'm not denying that theres a link between exposure to violence and being able to tolerate it more, as that sort of thing is implied. What I am here to moan about, is the people who think that that link can also be connected to murdering madmen.

A few years ago, I would not be able to watch anything involving even the slightest hint of blood in any way. I was a woss, who couldn't even dissect a heart during biology.

I slowly got into video games. starting with completly unviolent ones, slowly working my way up the chain, until I could play doom and watch "a clockwork orange" in fits of laughter.

That's right, violence makes me laugh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before you go calling the FBI on me, that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and start cutting people up for the sheer fun of it.

"Why not Iain?" I hear you ask (as you have found out my name somehow...). Well, I'll tell you.

Because I, like most sane people, realise that all actions have consequences. I learnt it before I could walk.

Meaning that I'm not going to go on a killing spree, as I will get myself killed/put in prison/I will go to hell.

Those teenagers that play violent games and later commit a school shooting, do not know that all actions have consequences.

And you do you know why they don't?

Because their parents didn't bring them up properly.

Too bad I cant think of anything to bitch about, apart from the must see films that are on over christmas.

Great escape, The. (I have it on DVD, but I'm still going to watch it).
A Christmas carol (The one with Patrick Stewart).
Erm...

Thats it really, if anyone needs me, I'm off to play some risk!

Well... a couple of weeks. months back, my trees were set on fire TWICE by arsonists.

The centre lot of the row were badly damaged, but the others managed to escape without too much damage.

Anyhoo, the tree surgeons came today, and they had to completly cut down the burnt trees. There is now a horrible gap in the row, through which rubbish is likely to get thrown (I hate footpaths).

But the real reason I'm making this topic is because the whole sordid affair makes me sad.

R.I.P

I haven't made a blog entry here for a while, so I decided to bitch for a bit about nintendo.

Before you go calling me a sony/microsoft fanboy, let me point out that the only two consoles I own are a N64 and a gameboy.

They were both great consoles, and it's only after the N64 was realesed that I started to have a problem with nintendo.

Novelty.

To make the gamecube actually be a cube, the discs had to be about half the size. This caused two problems itself.
Firstly, smaller discs can store less data, therefore comprimises would have to be made by developers in order to fit it all on one disc.
Since half the gaming world are graphic whores, developers are highly unlikely to cut back on those. Instead they cut bck on game length.
Secondly, since the gamecube is smaller, it cannot play DVDs and Music Cd's, meaning I would have to buy more hardware, which I can't really be bothered to do. I'd much rather have them all in one place, like a PS2.

I would happily have been content with a Gamerectangle, but no... Nintendo didn't like that.

The Wii in my eyes is the worst of all the current-gen consoles.
I'm all for making a person feel like they're more in the game, but the technology is just too young at the moment.
Waving a stick at a tv screen is hardly going to make me feel more like link, and I just got used to button mashing. I don't want to move.

Also, gaming and excercies do not mix. Get that through your heads nintendo.